life is hard to deal ... but soft if let it deal itself !!

we all go thru times of stress and pain .. times when we just arn't in our best and times when we miss that "just-magical-touch" which could heal us ...there exists so much in our lives that we can simply let our past go off us and let the present play its plot cuz we are already too messed up and too dragged to think of what had happened ... i obviously dont mean to say that we shud leave our past and move on but yeah we could atleast not dwell on our past ...

already having so much utter shackles and shambles in life that if we give any more consideration to the unwanted , we might well land up in hell and then settle the affairs... but what if we could all this now ??

and this is possible (in my senses) when we stop dealing with the life and let it deal with us ... cuz at times its good that we dont take all the mess over us and let it on something else .... we keep track with so many people in life ... we trust so many people in life that if by some mistake one of those trusted ones criss-crosses our personal path and makes it public..then is when u lose ur trust on people ... not only on that individual but on all .... and that is the moment when we expect the others to stay on with us and understand us ....

whats wrong if we get numb to people's reactions ... we have life in us.. but we can still be vulnerable to people's comments and interference on us ....

i've become like this .... made myself vulnerable to everything ... atleast if not vulnerable... i'm being plastic in senses and dun let people see into me .... this is kind of perfect if u want people to stay off u and u want to stay aloof .... but then the fact arises when u need them to see thru u .... when u need people to see those sleepless eyes .... those lonliness in u .... u feel like had someone called us and asked , "what happened ?? " ... but that doesn't happen cuz of the plastic immune nature that i've got on myself ... the sheath that i've covered myself in doesn'e let me people feel me ... and so i end up at the end of the cliff alone .... no one even to push me off !!!!!!

this is what life gives u when u give nothing to life ....

i suffer ... we all suffer ... unless until we change ....

blessed by the immunity ... and shackled by the pity !!!!!

long past gone !!!!!!

i know it has been a very long time that i'm writing down ... but dunno somehow i'm not gettin that magical blog moments that i had months ago... may be cuz of increasing stress of final yr projects and books .... or the extreme nostalgia of missing moments and people .. what ever it is .... i m not able to scribble down my thoughts ... people are chasing me to hunt me down for some reason or the other ....

m keeping too low on my healt for the past week or so .... severe cough and cold .... and then as i'm i dint consult a doc .... toook few medicines .... and the changing climate in raipur is not having a great effect on me ... atleast not in the good sense ....

placements are on at the college and i've not appeared in even one of them till now ... !!! i've a very strong feeling that i may land up in no-man's land one day after the college life and then the most unimaginable and worst thing might happen .... sitting home jobless .... this is not what i'm meant for or at least i dont what this to be destined upon me ....

my plan of GRE has been an utter rupture as of now .... havnt taken a date till now and add it to the fact that its already dec end and then what is gonna happen ... m clueless !!!!!!!! jus bloddy clueless i'm .... i got no plan for the backup and this is gonna hit me real hard.... i jus wish i get a back-up job the least and somehow i give my GRE within the new-yr month .... i hope, let JAN bring in some luck and surprises for me .... cuz i need luck now more than ever ....

there has been too many ups and downs in a lot of things in life .... cant scribble all but yeah not the ones that i ever expected to happen .... dunno this final yr nostalgia is all over me and this is may be the reason that m missing my school buddies a lot .... i've been trying to get i n touch with the first nascent immature child gang of my life ..... somehow i need that sunshine ... the light and the hope to stick to the principles of mine ... . seeing people lose from everything to nothing has been a pain ... seeing people been devoid of damn luck and support has led me to somewhere ....

i know i might be talking some utter meaningless crap... but pardon me cuz thats what i'm when i'm messed up altogether ... i get no sense no life in me .... jus a few words jumbled in mind ... that which are being thrown out now ....

one thing is very clear from all these is that the more u get attached to someone in life... the more u repent for it .... if not repent but hurt for it ... !!!! this is what i've noticed in people in their lives ...

"captivity of negativity" .... this has been striking me for more than a week now .. !! i dunno why .. i dunno how ... jus comes to mind ....

adios !!!!!!!!11