30 September 2009

so much to say ... still cant say ....

i'm so much in these. .... wt m i talking ???? .... leave it ... let me start over again .....



fine fine .... this is what m trying to say .... at times i feel so numb and may be like speechless in front of people .... before meeting them i've so much in mind to express... so much to talk to them ... so much to tell them that what i felt of them.. what i feel of them... but right at the neck of the moment when i see them .... that's it damn it ... i forget thiings... or may be i don feel like expressing them.... n pls i dunno wt's this that's happening... or happens with me ... i go black-out ... like some movie scenes..... like some dreams ....

even when its something that's good for them .... when i feel like advising them ..... i know that my advises may help them tackle with their situations..... but then again the same problem is that i cant express my views...... it feel so pathetic to be like this .... to be like this ... to be so dumb and speechless ....

its not like it happens to a particular girl.... not like the love scenes shown in movies and crap .... but it happens with my very close friends too...

friends to whom i can anything... and they wont mind tha... they will take it very lightly ... very jovially .... ad then still i dont tell them what i feel.... and this whole awkwardness is taken a great stride when i'm in a odd mood.... people like i'm ... i feel like kkeeping silent whenever i feel odd and detached from things.... i easily regain ma self when i dont talk to anyone and keep aloof .... it gives me tremendous energy .....

but that's not an answer of where i started .... what i'm in now .... the problem is i cant tell people what i feel... cuz the 1st and the foremost thing that comes to my mind is that "may be they 'l feel bad .... " and then i dont talk.. i jus keep shut .... i jus keep numb .... i have nothing to say.... and i feel may be i'll hurt people ... may be people wont understand me ... may be they will make funn of me .... whateva ....

and if this thing goes .. i think i wont be able to even tell my love to the girl whom i'll love heartout .. in case i find any .... i always imagine myself to be in talk with my very close friend and i tell them something that i feel by heart .. and then they take it so lightly .. like nothing happened...

i dunno what's all this ... may be i may be over all this in a day ... or few years ... or by an hour ... but at this time when m writing .. i feel like this ...

fine ... thanks friends for taking all crap from me .... u all are really awesome .....

4 comments:

buckingfastard said...

hah!! fr me its very opposite...i also face silences but its those awkward silences after my very odd joke which i nonsensically blurted out...

dunt worry abt da gal part...psst...between u nd me...dese female species have some superpower 2 kno ur feelins..never need to tell dem

Vishnu said...

blackouts?? its just u want to hide from them..
coz u hav created such an image.. even wen u r serious..they take it lightly..

@buckingfastard.. ya they hav the superpower.. but they make u wait.. and u shd only tell them wen u think u got the green signal..

Rohini Prasanth said...

I am baffled by your post. I am still trying to figure out what is it that is bothering you so much?

I cant beleive you are at a loss of words anytime. You write and express yourself so well, why stall your thoughts from being spoken aloud?

Of course, sometimes it happens with strangeers..which is quite ok. But with friends too? It is not fair to hesitate with people close to your heart.As a chatterbox myself, I find it hard to keep quiet when I am with someone I like/love. They may find it intusive ornagging..to me its about the oneness

I do not know how to help you simba... except try to understand you :)

I hope whatever it is that is troubling you passes soon..

SiMbA tAgO said...

@ BF : : comical... but yeah heard that girls understand us better than v know them ... but still at times i feel this .. anyways ... lesc

@ vishnu : : no no i dont mean hiding things ... cuz things that i wanna hide wont affect me if ppl wont listen to .... but wt i meant is at times i dont express wt i feel .... may be too much of thought ....

@ Rohini : : m not bothered by anything.. its jus that at times m at a loss of words .. n i dunno y ... tahts the main prob with me that i blabber and chat like a hell everytime .. so at times wen i get serious ppl think m chatting ... and thats the loss .... but till i'll try to be this like wt u said ... be expressive and spoken.... thanks rohini .. i feel better ....

come...revive...survive...alive

This blog is to all those who are in for a great search to truth of life... may be.. i write wt eva i feel.. abt wtever i feel.. i don know wt ppl wil feel of it.. its jus my chancery of my heart....