insanity... ???????? what's happppng... Damn....

what do i do....what do i do ?????????? i have nothing to do...or may be i've nothing to think of what to do.... or i'm just blank.....blank...serene with no thoughts.....seriously m having no thoughts..by now you might now that m not able to put my thoughts together.... i really miss a lot of people in ma life....m not a so much hard-rock-hearted guy like many....m soft-sober-emotional.....and many criticize me for not being strong emotionally....i, very easily get affected by the thoughts of people about me....esp for those whom i care like a hell...i anytime every time can be there for them....when they need me..when they dont need me....when they shout at me...i want to take it all from them....cuz from them i cant take silence....the eerie that they produce in my ears is jus so hurting...jus so unfair and unrealistic.....i really cant c people not talking to me who are my own....whom i say that are just mine....i dont like sharing them with anyone...may be i'm too possessive at times.... but i fear loosing people...cuz i've lost a real big major part of life....one whom i want back in this life....but its hard to get back.....

i know life at times shows us an virtual-end-tunnel....dark-lonlines filled-air .... around us with no one near by...may its just the check of the supernatural (as i define god) for our deeds...and our craps that we take and make everyday.... so its like this.....like this...which i just cant define..or may be now i cant define it....its jus odd ... pretty shackling....

i cant believe that i have been not writing any poems for quite long..its so unusual self of mine....if not a complete meaningful one, but i atleast write a small stanza...something that comes to my fucking-mind.....but for the few past weeks i'm not even writing a word...and m completely being paralyzed away from some sense-blogging.... m not even properly reading my best-loved blogs..... and one of them is RANE-the solitarywriter..... where is that goddamn person.... no posts from that blog for long...or i missed it.....m missing it....

i live in a house, that we 12 friends have rented for a year....its really like a festival daily....and now when the real festival is coming, many are leaving for home.. few left...few goin on sat.... i will be waiting for them to come back....cuz i love being with them...jus amazing....

i have been like this for so many times .... many times i feel so lonely....and the worst part is i get over them so easily....seriously i get over depressions so very easily..... and m the best synonym for "frivolous"...i take things so lightly...like a feather...and its sometimes the worst....the worse that one can be in a state.....

i dont wanna end this post....i dont know how to end this post...cuz i dunno what i started with...what it means....so m jus putting a few lines that i wrote y'day...and one friend of mine liked it...and copied it too...

"when ur feeling very lonely,
jus take the love from ur heart....give it a name.....
and then give her a hug....and caress her for eternity...
just kiss her...and deeply love her.....
cuz only she can make u feel comfy....no1 else can....
love you..."

P.S. - this post is not meant to point at anyone....so kindly dont bother me by asking ....

P.S.S - those who stood by this post till the end, i appreciate them....you are all feted.... :P

crumbled..jumbled..varieties...all in one room...

few of my room mates today have been having some problem..cant say a problem exactly...but yeah all are not the very well....

soin has mouth ulcer..poor he...who loves a lot of fast foods and nice spicy items..is suffering from two days.. hard to see that for him...and he must be really happy that he's goin home on wed...he really did miss home a lot....

surya was great till morning....suddenly he got fever at noon...and from evening he's having dehydration....poor he...but still under such rough situations he's able to talk on phone...porambokku naayee....and then mama,juju,sisir took him to the "Dr.pandeys", where u can expect the worst treatment in raipur...seriously YES... raipur has such a pathetic medical facilities and docs that they will refer u for a bloodtest if u are having headache..such useless idiots...and HIV test for having a simple fever...its goddamn better to spend that money goin home rather giving it to these people....

thala went to bhilai today..dint tell anyone for what he's going..like always...we never know where he goes...what he does...and if we ask him he will simply say something..some reasons..that we cant argue...but really its fun to have him around...not cuz he's a jovial char..but the nikhil (aachayan) and bips make a lot mock of him...and seeing him annoyed is like the greatest pleasure for us.... :) ...

kuchi..now in simple i can only say he went to raghu's home to sleepover....NO NO NO....not like what u think..he jus went..felt asleep there as he was tired .. and slept off....

after many days its really nice to see sisir getting some proper time for sleep...earlier and all he used to take tutions to some kalda...goddamn who cares...as if he cared...but he was a sincere teacher...morning 6-10 and then evening again from 7-11pm... isn't that horrible....a 21 aged guy taking tutions for a 19 aged girl.....the only obvious conclusion from this is that ..the girl must have looked so pathetic..so attu...so dumbo....

and then juju...from last 60 hrs or so...i think he dint even leave his laptop for piss/loo/food/sleep/or any natural phenomenon....until he finished(or may be abt to finish) "The Lost Symbol"..he just was glued to the screen..nd only time i saw him talking y'day was during manu , chel match... dai, he's height of madness..addicted to ebooks....

ela and sankili....no work....summa everytime they will be free..they will go and take a puff...and come backk...watch some movie....and sleep....enna pozhappu edhu ???? almost they smoke 2packs a day..or jus a lil lesser...but its seriously harmful...i hope they reduce it with time....sankili is really doin a lotta work at the home..cleaning the tank...and stuffs like that...

nikhil and bipin as i already mentioned are the best entertainers and their prey is 'thalaaa' .. anytime they see thalaa, they will start making fun of him til he gets annoyed...bipin got really good score in y'day's SIM CAT .. both of them are really puttin great efforts...hope some of us..atleast one of us land in an IIM...over la...but yeah possible....

and then of cuz the ME....what did i do whole day..nothing...completely jobless....wished a lotta school friends for EID...felt nice talking to them....and then saw "hangover" and "K2H2"...really how many times will i see this movie...one really gem of the SRK and kajol...awesome awesome movie....two movies bak-2-bak.... wow what a great prep for GRE...if i do this..thats it...m gone...but i did study today...

thats it..m outta ideas..

P.S. - nothing ....

P.S.S - most of us are having cold...and its sick.... waaahhhhh !!!!!!!!

HOD died..we dint mourn..but wanted a holiday...filthy minds...

i know that i dint find a small caption for the post.. but i think it explains it all... m posting after a small break.. i needed this break.. cuz i was goin thro loads simultaneously... stuffs with friends...stuffs with unknown aliens (call them acquaintances) .... and then proff, those sick dumbass.... and the magnitude of flying time.... i felt like all of them got over me ..got over my nerves...and then i needed a few days off.. many of my good buddies stood by me... i did share nothing with them..but jus presence with me was a great booster ..... i cud heal a lot faster....a lot better .... and then when i was getting over with this i had a terribly tiring and heavy day y'day.. enuf enuf ... blah blah !!!!!





few days back, i think on Thursday our college MECH HOD passed away ... and we got the news at 10.30, and our 1st lecture had just began...post lecture we came to know all classes has been suspended, but to my sudden surprise i found my class still goin on and that too the HOD taking it.. bullshit...

now at 10.30 when i told my classmates that tripathi died.. people had mixed emotions....roughly (may be) jus 1 or 2 were sad for him... most of us expected a holiday,the day and the next...and many were happy that someone cud show the bloody boozers that this is their fate...saala is used to drink daily...and then we cant expect him to be alive.. liver failure..nice ah .... poor ..

and the worst part was that we were happy...cuz we expected a holiday...now that's bullshit and "fucking disgrace"...that we thought so...i cant explain ..rather no one can..but the first thought of his death that we had was a holiday.. a bloody day off....i think i shud "ahhh chalo, finally a day off"...

but then i realized that it was a corrupted thought...a thought tat was not expected of me...or in that sense of no one...but that is the natural self..thats how we think..not only me..but all of us thought...that we need a holiday...

now tell me is that a crime...?? that is a crime??? is that hell crap ??what do i say..i feel so disgusted of maself...tell me what to do.. tell me what u may all have felt ?? wt reactions ??

anyways quite a long post may be..

m off to books...gre....byeeee.....

hey tripathi...RIP...thats all i have for u...